mentally ill

Creative output, you know, is just pain… great art comes from pain. - Kanye West

As I mentioned last year, I found out I had a mood disorder and needed to take medication to help (treat) control my brain from making irrational (not so good) decisions. I am not sure I went that into detail but yes, your girl take medication to help treat the mental. You know like if you had a headache and wanted relief from the pain. But that is a temporary fix to numb the pain, that pain is a red flag warning that something else is wrong. Listen here, I’m not sure how long it will be for me to have to take the meds and I honestly don’t care at this point because it is a must I keep doing whatever it takes to NOT cause my family any unnecessary stress, pain, or disrespect. Here is the thing I can be triggered by little things – push the wrong button and I’ll go from 0 to 100 just like that. Those are what you consider episodes… so while I am on that subject. I can use one celebrity that has these episodes more publicly and manic than I do. There are so many articles, social media posts, comments, pictures, and videos of Kanye at his worse. He decided to go public a few years ago and shared his story with the world only for the world to turn around and throw it in his face. Thankfully, he has some support around him trying to help redirect and I am praying he does go back and get that same help he had before.

I have learned from Kanye’s very public situation… the healing journey may take longer than you would like it to, and you do not need to rush the process. If being on medication and seeing a counselor is a part of my story for the rest of my life so be it. It is a must I continue to DO the work even while taking the medication so I see a consistent change in behavior.

Almost like if you want to lose weight, you need to exercise and a diet plan if you want to see real results.

Not all mental illnesses look the same either… Hearing Tamar Braxton’s recent battle with depression hurt my heart because I’ve been there. I was introduced to mental illness by being depressed and realizing I would have to get help to come out of that dark place. Sometimes when things don’t go as planned, that can trigger something and have you literally breakdown. Some people can relate and then you have others that will say girl get up, get over it, and keep it moving. It made absolutely no sense for me to not do just that, I was young and successful 8 years ago. I had just purchased my first home and was financially stable. Unfortunately, there was a disconnect for me. (there was some spiritual warfare going on). Because I was saved, I would literally get up to go to church and serve in the church hoping that would give me what I needed. Unaware that it was perfectly okay to believe in God and see a therapist. I would go to church praying for God to heal me before leaving the church, I didn’t want to leave the same… yet I would go home and still be depressed. But if you know my story, you know that God met me right where I was, in my room at the house. I realized I didn’t have to limit God’s healing power to the 4 walls of the church - He’s omnipresent. It was that testimony that made that real for me - God can meet you right where you are!

This post was simply me acknowledging that I am not judging or looking down on these two celebrities because I can actually relate… I know God can do a work in and through them.

I will follow up with something else concerning this subject tomorrow.

Peace, love, happiness, and kisses!